So begins...

I started this blog back in November of 2005, well not this blog, I was at blogspot until recently. I had created it to chronicle my weight loss efforts and my lifestyle change. I was derailed some six months later when I became pregnant with Bubba. It's been a year of trying to get back on track, find my place again, my mojo. I didn't know why I was having such a hard time of it, I did okay last summer walking a lot I was home with the kids and got down again but I haven't seen the numbers I saw since March and April of 2006. I'd really like to get back to the place and frame of mind that I had at the time. I've been thinking about what it is that is holding me back.

My nurse told me to go back and read my blog at the beginning of that journey and see what that thing was that I had that motivated me. I think I know what it was. It's not just determination but a place of mind, putting myself first. Making and finding that goal that would help me strive to be better.

Theoretically I'm going to live for another sixty years and frankly I'd like to not be carrying around this body of my mine while doing it. So it's time to stop complaining about what I'm can't find and just do it. That was my moto back then, to just do it and well I'm ready to just do it.

I'm not going to dwell on how much time I spend taking care of the boys and doing housework. I know that once I get back into the routine I will be fine, I do better, I write more, I'm happier. I will feel good about myself.

Sure it's a struggle some times and people make comments but you know what, I'm a strong woman who does not need to listen to other people harp on my weight. It's not their problem, it's mine and if someone loves me then they shouldn't be making the comments anyway, they should be encouraging me because the comments only make it worse, make me feel unworthy and unmotivated. I'm lucky that my husband stands by me no matter what and tells me I'm sexy and beautiful and that's what matters not what others think. It matters what I think.

I have myself, my husband and my children to make proud and damn it, I'm going to do it. I'm going to start by kicking the pepsi and cigarette habit again and I'm going to start exercising and watch what I eat. These are the things I can do for myself, these are the things I can teach my children to do. I can do it!