Yesterday turned out to be overwhelming...

I've been struggling with the whole mom do everything and where do I start kind of feelings. Feelings of, if I'd just stayed home with them from the beginning, things would be different. As I've talked about my oldest having problems with his behavior and the trouble it's gotten him into.

While the school has a plan, I find it's taking toll on our family but we are willing to go along if it helps Kale out. Right now he goes for mornings only and there's a day when he doesn't have to be there until 9:30 and then one of us has to go and hang out with him for recess and then he's picked up for lunch. He's to stay home and he has some homework that he's had for ages but it's not getting done. Our schedule is so messed up, this past week with everyone being sick and the drop off/pick up schedule and H feeling rather worn out form having the kids all the time.

I'm having such a hard time with the homework aspect of it because we can't get him to do the work, I've told him if he just does it then he'll be done to do other things. But no, it just turns into this huge nightmare. I've email the teacher and principal and I'll wait to hear from them.

Then Mica had one of his visits with the speech pathologist and it went well, he's making progress but then to see the four page list of things they are working on (not just speech), it just felt so overwhelming. Because I should be doing more with them and for them and I don't. Then I think of what Mickey needs, they don't work on anything except speech at school right no because they just don't have enough people.

So three kids all with so different issues and the feelings that I could be doing more with them and helping them more.

I find too much fault in myself some days and I shouldn't do that. I'm doing the best I can and I know I can do better. So I was sulky yesterday afternoon. I got home and had a hug from hubby and teared up a bit and then changed.

I went and helped my sons clean their rooms, Hubby made dinner and then I read Spiderwick Chronicles with my oldest. He reads some, I read some. It was great, I felt so much better after that, to know I can do better at this and I will.

I'm going to go through their assessment and make a list of things that need to be worked on and work some activities into our family game nights and maybe our family yoga or walk nights. I can change and make a difference, I want the best for them and the best for our family.

I may be sulky some days but I know that I have a positive attitude and can overcome anything.