So i used to think that I had never given birth.
But whether they boys came out the natural way or
through an incision in my belly, I've given birth.
I carried by boys, I've suffered through the body changes,
the indignities and joys of carrying that child.
So yes, I have given birth.
It wasn't the way that I hope and planned and prayed for.
It took a long, long time to get over how it went down.
I don't blame myself anymore, I don't carry guilt anymore.
It is what it is.
I have big babies with big heads and they just wouldn't fit.
The other thing is that I live so far away from a hospital that
should an emergency happen, this could turn bad.
Nothing bad ever happened.
I was in labour for 14 hours before we decided to get Kale out.
I had planned a vibac after that with Mickey but the kid was so darn big.
A whole pound bigger than Kale and I went into labour two days before the planned
Then Mica, they went in 10 days before his due day or maybe it was two weeks.
I can't remember.
I was gipped and I felt pain and anger about it for a long, long time.
Yet, now, I know. I gave birth to some beautiful boys and I am proud I carried them in my body.
As I'm sure you can tell by now.
I've been thinking about babies.
Over four years since my last one.
That feeling just doesn't seem to go away for me.