Saturday, June 04, 2011

Parenthood: Full time Job

Parenthood is no easy job. I've been at it over 9 years now and I still don't have all the answers. I'll tell you what though! It's all a matter of caring, giving a damn and making an effort. I'll tell you my tale and we'll see how it goes. I'll give you my experience for each of my boys.

I love being a mother, I really really do. I thought that it would come naturally to me, I'm a pretty caring person, I'm empathic, I'm pretty positive and I love to love! I wasn't completely right. I know how to love my children but sometimes life gives you the unexpected and it takes some time to refocus and get back on track. I don't have all the right answers, I get flustered and sometimes even made speechless by what I have encountered at times, especially as they get older and can talk!

So when things didn't go as planned right from the beginning. I'm just thrown off course right from the start.

It took about 5 months to get pregnant with Kale, I didn't get too sick and I gained 60lbs. It was crazy, I ended up with borderline diabetes and preeclampsia. Where I live we have there is no hospital so we have to go two weeks before our due date to the City. I was sent two weeks earlier than that, or maybe it was 10 days. I know I was sitting in the hotel at the beginning of the wait and my Mom was with me, woke me to watch the news on September 11, 2001. The scariest day, really! Kale was born 4 days later.

My due date was September 26 and I thought that it would be sooner. I went into labour, was in labour for 14 hours. The boy had a big head and it just wouldn't go through! I ended up with a cesarean and my milk didn't come in for 5 days and my boy was hungry. We supplemented a little bit but by the time I was home the 5 days later my milk was in with a vengeance. It was a very nerve wracking week! My whole birth plan had been shot to hell! And I was hormonal and weepy and lonely. My Mom was with me the whole time but I was in the hospital for 5 day and Marcel had made it on time for the birth but had to leave the next day because of his job, he'd just started his own business.

Being a first time Mom is such hard work but I was prepared, or so I thought! I read every book I could get my hands one and was so prepared. So when everything went awry, it was a huge blow. I did get over it eventually and was determined to be the best Mom every. I walked everyday while the weather permitted. He grew so fast and was a strong little boy. He was also a bit at his birth weighing in at 10lbs 2oz.

I was pretty innocent back then at my twenty-five years of age. I had no history of anything in my family and I felt pretty lucky. We had a dog and life was good. When he was three months old he started developing rashes on his face, then he would get little rashes on his chest. We went to the doctor, he had eczema and we treated it.

Over the months it got worse and when we introduced food, dairy wasn't an option and then other foods went on the do not use list. It was frustrating and disheartening. I read about everything allergies, intolerance's, eczema and asthma's (thank goodness that was never an issue), the Internet was my best friend back then too! I had heard that in half native/half white babies, these 3 things happen a lot. Strange.

So we had testing done. Not a pretty thing.

Basically, he had severe eczema, which made us feel bad for him because he would itch until he bled.

He had allergies, milk intolerance, so no dairy. Peanuts, a no-no. We had to avoid all the top allergens. Tomatoes, so no pizza or spaghetti for this boy. The dog! Yes, we had to give up poor fluffy! Well, his name was Kojak and he was the best dog! He went to live with my parents, then my in-laws and then died a tragic and early death at eight years old! But I won't get into that!

When he was 15 months old we had a string of weirdness, he got the chicken pox, rotia virus, fell and had stitches in his head for the first time and his first urticaria reaction. urticaria? It's like traveling hives, he's so very weird and you never want to see it, ever in your child. Can you say freaked out! Yes, our life was full of strange and incredible things back then and it was so scary for a first time mom. I held it together though.

He was also a busy, busy boy. He had comments galore about his activity, his lack of listening, his impulsivity. It made me tired. I've never been a mother with rose coloured glasses, I'm just not that kind of person.

I face things straight on, I internalize and ponder, roll things around in my mouth a bit before I make a move or a decision. Unluckily, they didn't have the right kind of intervention for what I was going through with him at the time.

I cried a lot because of my lack of understanding. Luckily I'm the kind of person who pushes through and finds the information I need. I've really tried everything. Most has not worked for my boy. I'm also the kind of person who retreats. Never wanting to subject anyone to my busy boys and have them comments especially after there were comments from people.

We've had a lot of ups and downs with all the sensory and behavior stuff since he started school but we are finally seeing progress, finally getting the support and intervention we need. Parenting is a non-stop job and sometimes we make mistakes, don't ask for help, retreat, have depression and so many other things that effect everything. It's true, we are all human and we are not perfect. It's a work in progress.

I'll end this one for now and continue on later with more about Kale and the other boys.

1 comment:

Jackie said...

Wow. I'm overwhelmed just reading this. You are an incredible person, and fantastic mother--this post proves it.

It's true it isn't easy, but it sounds like you are doing great.

Love you!