Round and round I go...

I always seem to start off with how crazy my life is and how unorganized I am but I won't dwell on that right now. Since I have said I would talk about the weight issue, I will talk about that.

The last year has been pretty tough, I've been having a really hard time getting on track and staying on track. I did great over the summer but now I've put back on all the weight and then some and I'm pushing the big bad number I did not want to see, so now I have got to get to it.

I've been planning on working with a nurse who's doing the wellness program here but I have not been able to hook up with her since before Christmas, it's been too cold and I've been stuck at home, or I've been sick or the kids have been sick so I've missed so many appointments. Another obstacle is that she only works every other week and I have to book my schedule better, so I'm going to have to talk to her later this week, I think she's in.

I have so many things to concentrate one: getting on track with eating healthy and exercising every day.

I am really trying not to be negative about it but I find that things are not so great with me and I don't want to dwell. I was doing so well before with the right attitude and resolve.

I don't want it to be about body image and most clearly part of it is but it's always been about being healthy. That is the most important thing. Not only that but I feel so good when I'm taking care of myself. What is there to feel good about when you are not moving, feeling sore and eating too much! Seriously, it just not right in my head. I can't make it right and I think about it all the time.

Why does this bother me so much? Because I know I have a choice and I know I've done it before and I don't want to be that person who sits and dwells on the negative things in life.

I feel so blessed to have the husband I have, who is so supportive of my efforts and so encouraging of my trys. He's my shoulder and my ear to everything I go through and he makes me feel loved no matter what my body shape. So part of me wants that pride for myself but also for him.

Tomorrow I will try harder.I'm a good person and I deserve to be healthy and to be healthy I must eat right and exercise everyday and drink lot's of water. I can do this.