Thursday, April 26, 2018

Feeling reflective today on my 43rd birthday. What is success? I've always measured it by my job and being financially stable. What the last five years of crawling slowly out of debt and other life stumbles have taught me that life is fleeting and we don't really need all these things we think we need. They are just things that we can't take with us when we are dead. We need one another.

Success is my family, I have a loving and supportive husband. I hope I'm the same to him. I have 3 sons, who are all brilliant and challenging and so very loving. They will be spectacular men. They make me so proud. My supportive Mom and brother and my niece and nephews who I don't see often enough are the safety net around my heart. I love them more than they will ever know..

My tribe, my girls, my ladies. I have a small circle of friends. That lift me up, challenge me, make me think outside the box and who are so supportive beyond belief. I'm rich with friendship. They've helped me grow as a woman, they've given me the love and support all women need and I hope I give that back.

What I know about myself. I'm an introvert, it took me a while to figure that out but I am. I won't get in your bubble or invade your peace of mind or judge cause I don't want to disrupt your way.I want you comfortable and to feel loved. I like to recharge by myself. Which had be hard when you have a house full of boys and their friends. I cherish this time with them though because all too quickly they will grow and my house will be empty. I hold them so close right now.

There are so many men and women who have come into my life over the years that I have meet through work, school, courses, classes, volunteering, who know or work with my boys and just in the community who have been so kind and given their little bit of time and parts of themselves that have made the world a little better because they gave off their wonderful positive energy.

All of these things; kind words, hugs, comforting messages are things that shape us and make us whole. They make me want to do better and help. We've gone through some hard times at times and it's because of all of this that life is good, Compassion for others is what make us human, forget all the political bull**** out there and just love one another because that is what gets us through.

Humans are amazing creatures, versatile and adaptable.

I hope that I make you feel as loved and accepted as you all make me feel!


Friday, January 26, 2018

Things I love:

I love reading. I have a love of books, paper, I can't do the reading on screens. I supposed one day I will have to but right now I have shelves and shelves of books. I have many favourite authors and I keep reading their new works and old over and over. I still have books from when I was a child and teenager, because books speak to me. They bring me to new worlds and experiences. They give me so many emotions, laughing, crying, frustration, you name it.

Since I do work full time and have a family of five (including me) to care for. Well we all do our fair share. I don't have as much time to read as I would like. I usually get some times on the weekends and if I can manage it I get about 15-30 minutes before bed.

For awhile while I was depressed, I didn't read a whole lot at all. It was a terrible slump and I tended to just reread books because I found it hard to try new authors.

I do the Goodreads challenges and each year I've gone up 5 books as a challenge. At first I was just making it. I've been doing the challenge since 2011 but goodreads does not show the years 2011 and 2012, so I don't know if I did them those years.

2013 28 of 50 challenge
2014 28 of 25
2015 25 of 25
2016 38 of 30
2017 62 of 35
2018 -- of 40
upping my challenge each year.

I've also been apart of Audible for a few years I've really used it a lot the last 2-3 years. Who keeps track really. But it makes life so much easier to have a story read to me as I work around the house or drive or do grocery shopping or workout. It really helps me multitask.

I've discovered many new authors this way and tried new books. I'm also using the library more often  than I used to. One way to save money!

Currently I'm reading:
Betrayals by Kelley Armstrong (probably my top favorite author)
The Rosie Project
Listening to:
The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss
The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan (reread)
One Dark Throne by Kendare Blake
 Yes,
 I like to read more than one book at a time.It's something I've always done not sure why.

Tuesday, December 05, 2017



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And around and around we go.

Life is just crazy lately. I feel so busy and can't keep up with things. Things should settle down after Christmas, I suppose! :)

I'm trying to figure out what it takes for me to save my life. This is how important it is to me but for some reason I can't keep the momentum, I can't change. So that is my negative talk right there. I've been having a fight with it the last few weeks.

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The truth is only we can fix ourselves.

If we don't take responsibility for our choices and decisions then there is no growing, there is no moving on, there is no enlightenment. We may think there is but there is not.

Religion gives us a great scapegoat.

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On Day 4.

Each day is getting better. It's hard at first to eat this way, it's so nutrient rich. And sometimes a little bland!

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Feeling so good. I was down for a few weeks, really not right in the head. All that negative energy just kept pulling me.
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I have always been afraid.
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Back in November I somehow hurt my knee. I have no clue what happened, it just started hurting. It seemed like it as swollen on the inside. It ached for some time, weeks and seemed never be going away. It went from pain to an ache with the occasional spike of pain and I've been quite careful to keep it from being injured further.
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The past weekend I spent out in a cabin by the river. It's the best little holiday one could ask for. It was part of a Family Camp through our First Nations Government. So I took a couple of my boys and nephew and we joined it. It was a great weekend with lots of activities and crafts and social visiting with friends. I made some good friends through the previous Women's Retreat and Family camp, so it was great to see them again. We got to visit and chat and enjoy the outdoors sitting by the river and just talking. It was so special.

The next morning after that I woke up sick. There has been a nasty little bug going around town and I got it. So I was home and sick in bed for two days. Now I'm not so sick but still coughing a lot and it's keeping me up.

I was very much off plan over the weekend, since they do all the cooking. It was very good food and I ate meat and dairy but did the best I could. 
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I don't even know how to start this. I haven' been in any major way blogging at all in a regular fashion in sometime. I'm just not sure where my head has been, all over the place I guess.

It's usually the same thing over and over, I go in circle I tell you. Circles. It can be frustrating at times. Right now I'm on this purpose thing. My life needs meaning. Is this depression creeping in or am I on a new path of discovery.

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Today, December 5th,

The last few months my feeble attempts to get back into blogging. I'll keep on trying. :)

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Alright, I'm back on track. Up at the crack of 5am and hit the gym shortly after, finally after a week of sleeping in. It was a sweaty morn but I feel real good now.Now to get back to biking and walking to work, if only there weren't so many bears around making me scart'. LOL! And Mom will be back soon so I won't have to use the van every day to go up the hill. Yes! I got my van back last week! I'm so very happy about that. They take good care of my van at Chief Isaac Mechanical! It's running like a dream right now!

So I feel like I'm constantly restarting my journey but maybe it's not really restarting just lagging behind for a bit and then catching up again. I really need to ...stop saying I need to. I'd like to just not worry about it and just keep moving forward.




Thursday, August 03, 2017

I couldn't fall a sleep last night. This keeps happening. Drives me crazy. Then I woke up at 4:50. Sleep or gym. So I got up and went to the gym. I kept skipping days because I was staying up to late or not being able to fall asleep. So it was a must this morning. I did a bit of walking and then I did some upper and lower body weights.

Yesterday, eating was not the best. I went for lunch with a couple of girlfriends and we had chinese food. It was good but not in my plan. Then later my other half asked me to get chinese food for dinner. He works late and we went out and had dinner with him, so all five of us were together. That just doesn't happen very often lately. So it was nice.

I feel a little hungover from all that high salt and msg food. It was good but it didn't do my body any good.

So I need to do some prep cooking for sure this weekend.

Wednesday, August 02, 2017

Struggling to get back on track 100%.

Moving from a standard american diet to a whole food plant based diet is no easy task for me. I've been at this since roughly March of 2016. Some months I flopped, others I succeeded immensely. Now, I struggle. Not sure why or what or anything but I have. When I first gave up meat and dairy completely in May of 2016, it was so easy. I didn't have an issue really except for sweets. It's always sweets.

And I've practised and I've learned a lot. It's the habit that keeps getting in the way. Or my feelings or my need for chocolate or that baked good. I've worked with a wellness coach and life life coach for the last five years and I'm slowly making progress to the old but new me after years of depression and neglect. Some days good, some not so much.

Yes here I am. Using my grit or tenacity to keeping on keeping on. I will do this, I will succeed. Right now I take each day anew. I plan what I'm going to each and it doesn't always work out but it's progress.


Monday, July 31, 2017

Practice

Losing my identity.
I think this is the feeling I feel when I lose weight. I've gone down and then back up again. I have barriers and blocks that stop me. It's all a mental game that I am playing with myself. I really don't want o play this game. It's no fun.
When I see photos of people who lose a lot of weight I'm inspired and the comparison (before/after) are amazing!
I love it when I can feel my legs or my arms get smaller but then I can look at photos and think but a piece of me is missing. I won't be the same. I've had these feelings before, they are fleeting but they come back. It's  weird thing to think. I want these pounds gone, I want the freedom.
Slowly, painstakingly slow is the way it goes for this reason.