Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Just when things were looking good, the darkness came back. I've been struggling with my depression the last few weeks. It's really frustrating, I'll have some good days, hours, moments but it comes back. I went to a ladies retreat, one weekend. It was a special treat really. The workshops were about grieving, so I got to release some tension that way and there were self care activities like yoga, massage and reiki. So that was very nice and relaxing. I felt great after that and then something happened again, not sure what but I feel the fog. So I'm trying to get back on track with my eating to see if that will make a difference. But I started smoking again and I really need to nix that crap. Time will tell.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Sometimes I wonder why this is all such a struggle and I hate it! I hate that I have to live like this that I have to go through this struggle.
Parts of me believe that the struggle is what is the journey, what helps and shapes me. So I'm am constantly restarting because I won't give up. That is resilience.
Part of me wants to give up and give in to all my wants and desires but those are not serving me anymore and I know it so I can't. I persevere and I will succeed.
So the struggle may be real but it will never beat me. I will change my life and I will accomplish all that I want!

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

So I broke through a barrier. I've been working with my life coach going on two years, maybe more I'm not sure. I always seem to be in this endless cycle of stop and start and it would always stop at a certain weight.

I've been changing my life slowly, good changes, more social changes and it helps me be the person I'm supposed to be. The one without guilt or care about what others think. I've been too much a people pleaser my whole life and I'm not going to out of my way to be an asshole or anything but I won't be taken advantage of or talked down to or any of the other crap that comes with life sometimes.

I know I'm worth it. I can do anything I choose to do. I am good enough. These are words I needed to tell myself, convince myself and I really did but I had this little barrier up and I smashed it to pieces and I'm doing it, getting my goals, working to make my life great again!

So happy!

Monday, December 12, 2016

Here we go again....

Restart number...?

I started back up today. Feel good so far. I hope it clears up this knee pain that I've had for the last 2 weeks. It just came out of the blue. I have been eating what I like. It's been gradually back sliding but now I'm ready to get back on track. Two step forward, one steps back but I'm still moving forward.

Oatmeal is just the greatest breakfast, it's so versatile.

Lunch was a salad with rice corn and black beans. Feeling a little gassy today but that should go away soon.

Since I've back slide, I can feel it in my body. My sleep is not as good, I've had upset stomach more often, more aches and pains, no energy and breaking out in pimples. All this proof. I only notice last night and thought wow, I used to be so used to this that I thought it was normal and now I know it's not. So time for changes.

I'm starting by doing the Clean and Lean Challenge with High Carb Hannah. Love her style, videos and books.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Finally feeling back on track! Yes, on Day 2 again.

I'm not sure what happened but maybe I do. I went away from my ladies weekend, it was super fun as always and we had such a great time and spent some quality time together but I ate like crap. Mostly. I ate meat, I ate dairy and then I couldn't stop when I got back. I had it a few more times. And then Thanksgiving happened. We had 3 dinners in a row. I am powerless to turkey and stuffing! LOL!

Well now that's over and hopefully I will be better prepared next holiday which is not that far away!

Thursday, October 06, 2016

My frustration level is at an all-time high as I watch and see how humans treat each other. It breaks my heart every single time. I’m not a religious person and yet I believe that every life counts. To me all that matters is your heart. We are made to love, we are made to have compassion, we are made to protect one another and I don’t see it. I see hate and I see violence. We blame religion, we blame government and we blame society, we blame each other. We need to take responsibility for ourselves and how we treat other people. We need to step up and we need to stand up for each other. 

Tuesday, October 04, 2016

Life's Purpose

I continue to search.......................