Do you remember being a teenager looking out the window on some lonely day and imagining what life would be like in the future. Listening to some song that brought emotion to the surface, some profound lyrics that spoke to your inner most desires, your soul.
I had a lot of crushes and no one crushed back. I was a shy, quiet girl who never spoke her mind, as I felt alone, of course at the time I didn't realize I was like every teenager out there.
My parents loved me, gave me everything I could possibly need that they could afford, I heard "no:" a lot too! Yet I felt worthless at times. Why wasn't my parents love enough. When I was seventeen and in my first relationship, I was childish, I had no faith in myself and looked for reasons he couldn't love me. I picked fights, I was emotional, I was suspicious. I never found out for sure if he cheated on me but that is all in the past.
When I met my husband, I was pretty insecure and I was still immature and all those feelings of unworthiness were still there. The difference was that he accepted me for me, he supported me, he helped me gain the confidence to bet the woman, wife, mother and friend I am today. Sure we had some setbacks and I was lost for what seems like a long time.
It was these things, these reasons that I could forgive my husband, move forward without blame. Because he is human and humans make mistakes, He accepted me and all my flaws and I accepted him and all his. No we are not perfect, we work together to make our life happy and moving along.
I had dreams when I was younger and I still have dreams. Some have changed, some have remained the same. But I'm dreaming again and planning for the future.
I've learned to be grateful. I've learned to count on people and reach out when I'm feeling down and they help me my being there and listening. I hope I am the same for all the friends as I once was.
I accept that I am flawed, that I am not perfect and I am just fine the way that I am. I strive and work toward being a better, more patient and more charitable person. I know that I am happy and with life comes change and change is good.