Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Dear Diary, well that's what it felt like!

The Hanged Man
This card denotes the need to look at your current situation from a different perspective. The Hanged Man creates change by acting passively and accepting fate. By surrendering control and making yourself vulnerable, you will facilitate change in your life. In order to see the bigger picture, you will need to take a step back.

I'm all for taking a step back and looking at situations from a different perspective but seriously to act passively and accept fate, what kind of bullshit is that. I'm tired of acting passively and accepting fate, really? I mean really I've been a people pleaser my whole life doing things for others to make others feel good, what about what I want?

I'm tired of just living life just to live. What kind of life is that anyway? Waiting for something better to happen, nothing happens unless we change it. I can't complain about not appreciating my kids more, I just need to do it. If I don't make changes in my own life to make me happy, then when is it going to change? When am I going to get what I want unless I change it, do something about it and make it happen. Sure there are things that get in the way, like work and everyday hunting, gathering kind of stuff but I can take the opportunity to enjoy every minute I have with my kids, every minute I have with my husband.

Sure my job sucks, it's boring as hell but I can make the most of it. Do it with a smile even if I don't want to. Because who is it goig to serve if I'm miserable. If I smile and then someone else smiles because of it, good, that will make my day. I'm all about making the world a better place and what better way then to start with a smile.

I don't get enough sleep or time to write or make love to my husband, well I damn well better make the time. Life is too short not to have the things in life that I want, need and make me happy. When I get up and my husband is smiling at me and kisses me and looks at me with that loving gaze, I know I'm the luckiest woman to have love, real genuine love that still makes me sweat and get all jittery and stuff ten years later. That kind of stuff is the most wonderful thing in the world.

Life is about making the best of what you got, being happy with life even if life deals you shit, make a change and things will go your way. But if you don't like what you got, change your attitude and be the better person, make the change to serve you, to make you happy. Sure there are always factors in life but if you are miserable who is that serving but mercy itself.

I strongly believe that having a positive attitude will get me what I want in life and I forgot about that. I want the changes, I want to read more, write more, sleep more, be happy with my husband and children more. I have all the ingredients for a perfect life and I'm going to make it happen by looking at it in a different light. I'm rich, richer than I ever hoped or dreamed I would be because of the people in my life and I know that is more important than anything in the world.


Cyndi said...

What a rant! Way to go!
Here is a little more about the Hanged man, there's more than what you found:
You are able to look above the present situation. You have great foresight and stamina. Don't be misled, there is plenty of action behind the apparent standstill. It can also represent a complete and unexpected change at home or at work. The pussycat is now ready to roar like a lion.
I think you got that last part figured out!!!

Siuan said...

Cool, that is good to know! Can you tell I'm feeling pent up about stuff?? LOL!