Monday, March 31, 2008

A little of that...

When you have three children they seem to take over your life, you have to really work hard at maintaining a good relationship with your other half. Especially when you are tired and cranky a lot. The first year of having a baby is tough, the first time I did it, it wasn't so bad. Hubby and I stayed connected and I took motherhood in stride. Then came number two Buddy and while I had to juggle my two boys, I got pretty good at it. It was pretty easy, I'd done it before and found I could do it with minimal of trouble.

 My relationship did not suffer too much with my hubby. Then I became pregnant for the third time, times were tough, I was tired a lot, more so than the other pregnancies, hubby also worked a lot.  So we just didn't have the time together, I was still working and he worked long hours. Fast-forward to Bubba being born and life was chaos. Seriously, really!!I didn't know how life would be having three kids and now I know. It's so much more work and takes so much more of your time.

I signed up for being a mother I didn't sign up for quadruple the dishes and laundry. They don't tell you and you don't really think about all that stuff when you consider having a baby, you think of coos and cute little noises, first smiles and steps, the recognition you see in there little innocent eyes when they see you. The things that matter. Sometimes I take myself too seriously and worry too much about appearances. I'm not the perfect mother, I strive to be but it works sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. I do have to just take life in stride because frankly, life is too short to worry about dirty floors and dirty dishes.

 We only have this time when they are little for so long, you really dont' get a lot of time to relish in their cuteness and playfulness. I miss some of that already with my oldest. He's more grown up and serious, at least I can still cuddle with him. Life isn't so important that I need to give up my time with them to read or go on the computer, I'd rather play on the floor with them, tuck them in at night and read them a book.

Now that my year's maternity is up and I'm back at work and the boys are at daycare or school, I do feel more relaxed, more myself. Hubby and I get to spend more time together usually over lunch, sometimes with SmartGuy and sometimes without depending if he feels like staying at school.

But it's the whole process of getting to know each other again and feel confident and comfortable in that love you know it there.  It nice to see the things in him that I feel in love with again. It's not that I feel out of love with him, it's just that when our time is taken up by our children or work or household duties, it's sometimes hard to focus on each other when all we want to do is sleep. But it's changing back for the good parts and I love that.

I would never say that I wouldn't want another child because honestly, right now if I could have another one I would but I did make it impossible for that to happen, well next to impossible.

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