Sunday, January 19, 2014

Growing up I was told I was too emotional. I felt everything. I cried easily. My feelings were hurt easily. This went on for a long long time. I never knew what was wrong with me, why I couldn't control my feelings. I didn't learn until later that I have a lot of empathy. I read and feel peoples energy, I feel their pain, I feel their happiness and I know when they are off, different from what they normally are. So essentially I was taught to suppress my feelings which has always been the hardest thing in the world for me.

So many things affect a person. So here I was and I don't know.

I've been reading a book about weight loss. It has me doing a lot of thinking. It states that our bodies are fat because they want to be fat. Something has triggered this fat program and now it will be fat to protect ourselves, stress can cause this, any number of things. It can start with one trigger and then more can come into play.It's a survival mechanism of our bodies, how we store fat when there is famine.

I was listening to this author's webinar explaining how one client had put on weight to protect herself from an abuser. When she became too fat the abuser stopped. I cried buckets at this. I don't believe I was abused but at a young age I was bullied by two children older than I. Then I was bothered by another older boy and on another occassion a female babysitter. Nothing sexual ever happened over being rubbed against but I was so uncomfortable and I felt dirty. This is called emotional obesity. I think these things are my first triggers.

I have had many triggers since. Stress and emotions.So now I explore, meditate, accept, visualize and forgive, my past, myself. I forgive and move on. I've already been on the right path with my visualization and meditating. I need to continue on with that. I feel like I'm headed in the right directions.

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