This month has been tough. I often sit when I allow myself the moment and think of how he used to whistle, the crinkle of his eyes when he laughed or smiled, his English accent and the smell of him. I look for that when I go up to see Mom.
June may be so rough because of Father's Day but its also the month of gardening, putting in the plants and that is what he did every summer. Gardening was just a part of him. Every time I drive up to Mom's I think I'll see him there standing in the garden, ready for me to come talk to him. To hear the latest news about me and the kids. I miss it so much. I think that is what is so hard, just the missing him.
A friend of his is back in the country. They are both from England and his friend had moved back a number of years ago. He's come back for a visit and I ran into him while we were in the City at the beginning of the week, twice actually so he got to meet the kids and I didn't get a chance to really talk to him since I'm always busy when I have the boys. He's coming up here to visit as well. So that is another thing that makes me sentimental. I want to sit with him and hear some stories.
Even now sitting here writing this I well up. The drive home I thought about him a lot. The drive is 5-6 hours depending and my Hubby was driving. It was one of those drives where we were content and there wasn't much to say except chit chat once in awhile. Ideas for our future plans and such.
It's our ten year wedding anniversary in July and we starting to plan to go down to Edmonton in September to visit his older kids. Things we'll do and what we want the kids to experience. It's been over four years since we've been and that trip was a horrible, horrible trip from hell. This time we plan on being less rushed and more focused on what matters. Family.
I'm going away with my girls this weekend. We rented a couple of cabins for two nights and we plan on just letting loose and having a good time and enjoying each others company. I'm really looking forward to it. Depending on my childcare arrangements I'll stay for one night for sure, so that will be nice. I look forward to unwinding and enjoying some girl time. This pretty much never happens.
We are all planning on taking a real holiday together next year, so somewhere warm with beaches. I'm so looking forward to it.
So while June has been a pretty emotional month for me, it's been busy. I've traveled so far off plan in the exercise department. Once the long weekend is over, I'm getting back on my exercise routine and I'm going to really look at my food. I do great with the boys, the get tons of fruits, veggies and dairy and lean protein but me, aside from the pop addiction, I love my sweets. Sure who doesn't love chocolate but I have a weakness for baked goods. So I'm going to do the South Beach for awhile and get off the sugar and then go from there.