Hubby and I have been talking, nothing too serious. It's our thing we talk a lot. But lately with the kids and our schedules we've just been off, it happens every once in awhile when you don't click but then you realize it and you get back together, make that effort together and say to yourself, 'damn, I love that guy and I've been neglecting him and being selfish'. Yes, I do that sometimes and I do condone being selfish at times but I also realize my hubby needs some love and attention too! It can't all be for the kids.
A few nights ago we stayed up talking, laying in the dark and talked until one in the morning just sort of reaffirming the life we chose together and that we are still headed in the same direction and we are. Love doesn't come into play, I think for us being together we know we love each other and there is no need to reaffirm that, we tell each other pretty much everyday in different ways through actions or words, we know!
At times I feel like I've grown up so much and changed over the 11 years we've been together and truthfully I have, I was 21 when I met my husband and we got together when I was 22. I was still growing and changing so much and have continued to do so over the years. A big part has been with him, I sometimes wonder if because I was in a growth stage that my opinions and morals just formed what his were. I used to think this but the more I think about it, he just reaffirmed for me the feelings I've had about many topics as I was growing up as a teenager. Certainly we dont' agree on everything, we have strong opinions about certain topics and I let him know if his opinion is different from mine and we work around that and compromise because that's what makes our marriage work.
The next day I was thinking about regret and while I can't regret being married to the love of my life or having his children. I do regret not traveling the world as I had hoped and dreamed about since I was a little girl. It's the one thing that really bothers me.
I've always been a history buff and planned on seeing everything: Stonehenge, the Colosseum, the Sphinx and Great Pyramids, the Inca/Mayan temples, Easter Island and the Giant shapes in South America you can only see from the sky and so much more. These are things that meant so much to me, things that I would look at with my own eyes and maybe touch with my own skin, breath in that history and maybe relive a moment in time that I was so in awe of. That day I wanted to run away. I wanted to pack my bags and travel but I have responsibilities to my family and maybe one day I will travel with them and take to them to the places I've wanted to see since I was my oldest sons age. One day.
A big topic on one of the boards I participate in is sexless marriage and if it can work and there are so many variables to this topic that many people are chiming in and I think one thing that I know is that everyone has their own limits, their own desires and we can't force them on to one another, not that these women are doing that. What works for some in one marriage might not work in another but I think that as long as the couple are on the same page and knows what the other wants and what they each want then it should work.
For me, I've said on here before I'm sure that a sexless marriage for me and my husband wouldn't work, sure we've going through periods after the boys were born where we were both tired and nothing happened for months but we always reaffirmed and came back to each other once I was done being worn out by the kids. I would go through periods of not wanting anything to do with that and then other times when my desires was back to normal. For us, I would say that we may be above average that the norm for this (give and take moods, health and stuff) but that's just us and that would be the reason we couldn't have a sexless marriage.
A big part of our marriage is intimacy and not just doing the deed. There's kissing, touching, caressing, holding and just being near each other and it works for us. Another thing would be feeling and knowing that the other person desires you, that would make a big difference in how you receive them. How can you feel attractive when the other person has told you or you get the impression that you are desirable. I know this feeling and I have to say that if that was hanging over my relationship I couldn't do it, I need to be desired and that maybe the number one reason I'm married to my husband and not my previous boyfriend.
So now that I've spilled my guts about my private life I'll go on to some mundane topic. Like snow...its' snowing outside right this minute. I know you Southerners are shocked but it's true we up North get the bitter cold so much sooner than you do! Brrrr!