Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Understanding, Determination and Acceptance

Three things I’ve been struggling with and coming to terms with. Sometimes it seems the more information you get the more confused you get, the more indecisive you become. Well, that is the case with me anyway. I haven’t given up, I haven’t quit thinking about it, every day since November 16, 2008, losing weight has been on my mind everyday.

At the same time, it’s not just about losing weight; it’s about gaining my life back. I’ve gone through some ups and downs in my life but mostly it’s me, all in my head. I’m a thinker, I think of crazy things (nothing too crazy) but I dwell and I pine and I self analyze. This has been going on as far as I can remember and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I have a lot of empathy and I’m a great listener and sometimes I have good advice.

I know why I’m doing this and I’ve accepted that things will not change unless I do. Change will not happen if I’m not determined and I most certainly am determined! I have set backs some days and other days I get through okay but also, everyday is getting easier to handle. The stress I feel when dealing with 3 growing, wonderfully smart yet trying boys.

Acceptance that I chose this life, I chose to have three babies and I love them everyone, from the tips of their toes to the tops of their heads. I couldn’t’ imagine my life without them, so what am I to do. Deal as only I can. But in a different way than I have been.

I recently read an article in the latest Self magazine about a tennis player who faced some obstacles and she went into a bad cycle of binging and gaining weight. But once she accepted the fact that she would be okay with herself if she didn’t have the seventeen year old tennis pro body she once had, she started to see some changes.

So I asked myself would I be okay if I didn’t always have the alone time I wanted, or wasn’t the writer I always hoped to be or I would never have a perfect body. Would I be okay just being a mom and concentrate on being the best damn mom I could possibly be? Yes, I think so. If I stop worry so much about petty selfishness and concentrate on living a happy life, I should be okay. I have a wonderful husband who loves and wants me, I have 3 handsome sons who are all so special, what more could I want or ask for? My life is good and I’ll make the best of it!

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