Be

Sometimes I don't know how to just be.
I'm always jumbled up into knots.
Emotions ready to spill over and envelope me.
Why is it some days I can be so happy and at peace.
The next so low and alone.
I stay busy on purpose.
If I'm too idle, the darkness comes.
The chaos, doesn't help.
I strive to peace, I struggle for silence.
I want nothing more than contentment.
I always say that being an adult is hard.
But I think being emotional is also that.
Some see it as weakness.
I've never seen it as so.
Unless it pulls you down, as it sometimes does.
Apparently you can choose to be happy.
I, of course choose to be happy.
It doesn't always work that way.
I'm a pretty positive person.
I've persevered through my obstacles.
I've lost people I love.
I think and make decisions.
I chose love.
I chose my family.
I chose to be happy.
Yet, I still have dark days.
Why?
My genetic make up perhaps.
Or is just me.
What I do know is that I won't ever stop trying.
I will always be me.
I may lose my memories.
I may lose my words.
But I will always be loving.
I will always be free.
In this.
The stillness and quiet I seek.
The breath from my body.
The sweat from my pores.
This will be me.
I will learn to just be.