Tuesday, April 05, 2016

I've made many mistakes in my life. Sometimes there are those things that haunt me. I walked away from a friend. I didn't talk to her again, I didn't explain. I just stopped. I was angry for many years. I think that she was fallout from my depression and  immaturity. How can one be immature when they are a mother of three and 35 years old. Well it can happen. I've had an easy life and things have always gone my way until then. I had a different view of the world and it's been a tough transition.

Right now I would apologize and tell her I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for just walking away and not talking to you. I'm sorry that rumours were spread, that was not my intention. I did not gossip, I talked to 5 or 6 people who I thought were my friends and I think that 2 of them were not. Yes more acquaintances and I should have known better. So I'm sorry for that. I was not thinking properly nor was I aware that what I was doing would hurt you. or maybe I wanted to hurt you but I don't know.

Here we are over five years later and I have become aware of my mistakes, aware and horrified that I acted as I did and feel like it was out of my character. I have to own it though, it was me and I'm sorry.  I have to learn to forgive myself because I know I can never ask you to.

As I become mentally healthy again, as I thought I was 1 year ago but I was not. Only the last 3 months have I realized how I'm finally back to my normal self, keeping the depression at bay and finding myself again and this is the one thing on my mind, the one thing that finally hurts so much. What a terrible mistake to have made. I'm sorry.

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