Hump Day

I don't know if this will make you feel better but if I could and my husband agreed, I'd have another baby. If wishes were rainbows....I'd have a million of em'.

Things have been going well. I got some sleep last night but one night doesn't change a habit or a cycle. I'll have to be doing to bed early for awhile. Last night was turned out the the light at 10:40 after reading for bit. I love reading in bed only problem is that I can stay up very very late if I read in bed, so I made the conscious effort not to read forever. So I woke at about 6am and I stayed in bed awake lying there just enjoying my time. I didn't have to get up and rush around, i could lie there for awhile and I did. Just before 7 I got out of bed and started the whole morning ritual, hubby made breakfast scramble eggs and hash-browns.

The eggs were nummy, very good. We've been trying to eat healthier and so we've been eating Omega 3 eggs and well, they taste fishy to me. So we got some free range eggs and that is what we had this morning. The eggs tasted so fresh and well...tasty! I love them.

I'm very happy to say that my youngest son is now sleeping from 8pm to 5am everynight. Now I have to take advantage of that sleep cycle and get my own sleep. I'm working on it.

Yesterday, I went to see my nurse. Yes, my nurse. She's wonderful, my nurse. She's helpful, my nurse. She's supportive, my nurse. She's a good listener, my nurse. I just love the nurse I've been seeing with the weight clinic. I hadn't seen her in about 2 weeks, she's been off and other things so I was very glad to see her. I've been having a bad week not keeping on track, losing sleep, not exercising, snacking and by obsessed that maybe I have Tubal Ligation Syndrome.

The one good thing about this meeting is we just talk, to see where I'm at, she doesn't pump me up and tell me to exercise and eat right while pointing her finger at me, no she listens and works on a plan with me, gives my suggestions and ideas and tells me I'm doing good. This keeps me motivated or gets me back on track. So she said for right now I need to concentrate on me and getting my me time and get some sleep. So I went to bed an hour earlier.

So yeah, that's the other thing that keeps messing with my brain. I keep thinking my tubal ligation is messing with my body and it's functions. I'll spare you the details as I do feel better after talking to my nurse. I am kicking myself in the butt because usually I'm very on top of things and check on resources of information for anything I need to know. I knew what I needed to know before I took sex ed in grade 7, when I got pregnant for the first time I devoured books on the subject pregnancy and after the baby was here. So why did I just take what the doctor told me at face value and not do my research? This is why I'm so mad at myself right now and what's done is done. It would cost me $3000.00 to get a reversal and I don't know how prepared I am for this but if I continue to have issues that I can't explain or that bother me then I may have to do it, for myself.

....Yawn....

I'm feeling very up and down these days, feelings all over the place and here and there. I can't keep a thought straight in my head and my memory is driving me nuts. I'm not sleeping and I should be. I can't get healthy if I don't hav proper sleep, I wonder if I'm sabotaging myself. Trying to find ways to not or not have to take proper care of myself.

I started night weaning Bubba last Thursday. I stopped nursing him to put him down and through the night, I offer him a sippy cup of water or rice milk and laywith him, tell him to lay his head down or rub his back. It takes about 20 minutes for him to fall asleep and the middle of the night wakings last roughly 5 minutes at this point, if he even wakes up. There were a couple of nights that were rough the first 3 and then the last couple have been okay. He still wakes up to nurse at about 5 am and I let him. At least I'm getting that good chunk of 9pm to 5am where he only wakes briefly now.

 My problem is I'm in a cycle of bad sleep and I can't get out of it. I feel sleepy when I'm putting Bubba down and I could just go to sleep and I don't let myself, I really, really should but I want to spend time with my hubby but then he'll go to bed and I'll be up and not tired at all and I'm all wound up. So I've been staying up until midnight for the last few weeks, reading, surfing, playing Scramble (my latest obsession) or reading up on Pioneer Woman's chronicles of her love life, she really is very good.

So I'm getting a lot of reading done, I'm getting lot's of me time to myself but I'm just not getting the sleep. It' s pattern that I just have to change. I need sleep, so I can be alert and happy. Sleep really does damage to me.