Wednesday, September 29, 2010

People keep telling me I'm stress!

But I don't feel stressed. I'm gaining weight and I'm really trying not to. This maybe the stress that I'm feeding but I'm not feeling stressed otherwise.

My hectic winter schedule is back and will likely get busier as the kids get busier with hockey and soccer, they both want to be in both. But right now it's just drop off and lunch pick ups and after work pick ups.

I have symptoms or weight gain, I'm sleeping lots more lately because I just feel tired. But I've been sick too off and on for the last couple of weeks. I'll tell you honestly that I feel like I'm pregnant but I know that I'm not and I don't want to tell anyone this as they may think I'm crazy! I did have my tubes tied almost 4 years ago when Mica was born so it's just not probable.

I hate that even this long after I still have pangs and pine about having a baby girl to call my own. I hope one day it will go away. I quit smoking in June and gave up pepsi weeks ago, so that could be why my smell is on overdrive these days. Winter is coming and that's why I've gained 5 lbs in a week and sleep all the time.

Or I'm just stressed! My Dad is not doing well but I don't see it changing and I've come to accept things but I still have my moments where I break down when I think about it but for the most part I'm moving on and being strong. I'm spending time with him.

Yes, I have a little girl coming to my home every week and we spend time together with the boys and I've come to care about her. I'm not hurt or resentful anymore. I can talk to her mother and not feel the hurt. My marriage is rebuilding and is better than it has been in a long time.

I don't feel stressed besides the normal stuff so I don't know. I'm going to book in with the doctor and get a physical down, it's been awhile and maybe get my blood work done again. But mostly I'm going to continue on with my routine, adding healthy behaviors and get it right again.

Exercise has been slowing coming but I can do it. It's the eating, I keep thinking I'm doing so good but I"m not. I need a better plan and that is what I'm going to be working on over the next few weeks. I'll get this right again! Yes I will!

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