....Yawn....

I'm feeling very up and down these days, feelings all over the place and here and there. I can't keep a thought straight in my head and my memory is driving me nuts. I'm not sleeping and I should be. I can't get healthy if I don't hav proper sleep, I wonder if I'm sabotaging myself. Trying to find ways to not or not have to take proper care of myself.

I started night weaning Bubba last Thursday. I stopped nursing him to put him down and through the night, I offer him a sippy cup of water or rice milk and laywith him, tell him to lay his head down or rub his back. It takes about 20 minutes for him to fall asleep and the middle of the night wakings last roughly 5 minutes at this point, if he even wakes up. There were a couple of nights that were rough the first 3 and then the last couple have been okay. He still wakes up to nurse at about 5 am and I let him. At least I'm getting that good chunk of 9pm to 5am where he only wakes briefly now.

 My problem is I'm in a cycle of bad sleep and I can't get out of it. I feel sleepy when I'm putting Bubba down and I could just go to sleep and I don't let myself, I really, really should but I want to spend time with my hubby but then he'll go to bed and I'll be up and not tired at all and I'm all wound up. So I've been staying up until midnight for the last few weeks, reading, surfing, playing Scramble (my latest obsession) or reading up on Pioneer Woman's chronicles of her love life, she really is very good.

So I'm getting a lot of reading done, I'm getting lot's of me time to myself but I'm just not getting the sleep. It' s pattern that I just have to change. I need sleep, so I can be alert and happy. Sleep really does damage to me.